hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
