honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
