Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
