i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
