Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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