i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
