He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
