I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
