We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
