Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
