dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
