I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
