I will die if light touches me.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
