4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just tell him i said nine months
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
