she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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