I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
