What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
