I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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