why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
