Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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