PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
