like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
