She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
