I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
