i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
