Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
