i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
