i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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