Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
