You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
