I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
