apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
