What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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