Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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