careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
