your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
