Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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