No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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