After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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