i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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