My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
