You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
