I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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