May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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