All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
