i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
