No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
