I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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