im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
