so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
