apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
