Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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