I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
